I remember those books that taught married couples how to get along with the opposite sex. That women get angry at their men because when she spills her problems on her man she just wants him to listen to her problems and just listen without offering solutions nor help. The woman just wants her man to just sympathize with her… like a girlfriend… yuck.
From the point of view of men, that is just simply idiotic. When a man tells you his problems, he is picking your brain and asking for help so being the great friend you are, a good man spends precious thinking time and brainpower in helping his friend solve his problem. Men are problem solvers, it is what we do.
Especially us engineers. We were born and specially trained to solve problems. We engineers identify, analyze and frame the problem and form creative, effective solutions. If you tell us black, it is black. If you tell us red, it is red. If you merely want sympathy, tell us so, so we don’t spend brainpower to give advice, only to be hated for doing so.
Then there are those emails that say we have this so and so problem, pray for us… Of course those problem presentations are irresistible to problem solvers like us. I’m not going to pray and do nothing… I’m going to think long and hard at your problem because I am so concerned and I know I can help by giving suggestions. You want prayers, ask my wife, my grandma or my mother in law. If you are going to tell problems to us men, we interpret that as asking for help, and we will want to help in concrete ways… not prayer.